i actually had a lot of qualms about posting these, because
it's obvious this blog isn't nearly as private as it was
when it began (not that i'm complaining). it's just hard
to say shit sometimes, without giving all of the wrong
impressions, but i guess ... i'm trying.

every single morning is a struggle.
everyday it becomes harder to actually
get up out of bed. It's not that i can't
wake up, because i can, it's that, daily,
my desired to start the day diminishes
... tenfold.
most days, i find it hard to see the point.
it's too much work to deal with people and
issues; i can't cope with petty conversations,
assholes, ingesting nutrients & hydrating,
getting dressed, producing regular facial
expressions, and meeting useless deadlines.
i used to take pride in my problem solving
skills, but now i can't, because i can't even
fucking solve this bullshit.
to put it plainly, i'm scared of this lack of
effort i put forth, with everything (even
things that i like doing.). honestly, every
single day, at increasingly frequent intervals,
i think of how great it would be to never have
to wake up, ever again.
i suppose that could be construed as an issue.