That simple line about poisonous leaves and childish bravery opens
up this giant pocket of memories that I had no clue it was even possible
to miss so much. Just to be with them, for one more day, like it used to
be, would be all I needed to heave myself out of this stupid slump.

It puts me in pain to think of the way we laughed at the bottom of his
staircase. My stomach aches thinking of the way her feet pointed in as
she leaned on her knees to draw, his fucking fisherman hat, the couch,
the TV, the dirty pair of Vans by the front door.
Even his hellish dog, I miss it all.


In addition to missing that, I also miss Jon and Shane's attempt to play
a racing game with a guitar hero controller,  "prom night" in the rain, the
heat of the subway and getting lost on the way to Kew Gardens. I miss
Gries Park in the wintertime and advent calenders and smoking in Shane's
car, drinking red label and watching Logo, and all of those stupid stupid
ideas that we had and carried out.

What it all boils down to is the fact that I miss having free time
to do what I want to do with the people that I really love.