Saturday, February 9, 2008

your car smells like the liquorishy, sea
colored, foam blocks that i had when i was
small. the ones that i would play with on
the enclosed front porch that we used to
have. it also smells like playdough. the
red playdough that i used to mold into
shapes, in the sweltering heat, in a queens
public school. the same red playdough that
i once discovered rat droppings in.
your mother's spanish accent sounds just
like the one that the girl who lived in
the apartments across from had. the girl
who, for my birthday, bought me a barbie
doll that i already had. a barbie doll i
pretended to like, then returned the very next day.

everything about your car should comfort
me, since my childhood was good, but it
just doesn't. all it does is make me miss
baldwin. all it does is make me want to
see everyone that i miss, before i die.
i want one good night, before i'm gone.
i want a drunk, a angry, i want a fuckfuckfuck.
i want too much. i am so selfish.

i want to be beautiful like your mother.
it's not conventional beauty, but you've
got to be some type of beauty to deal with you.

18 comments:

slurkle said...

I'm such a blog stalker, I feel almost guilty.

but there's just something about reading flashes of thoughts of another person, halfway across the world, same age, same kind of interests. but never met.

it's kind of indescribable, that's probably why I'm not doing a very good job.

it's like an anonymous 'what's on your mind' kind of question, with a private non-filtered best friend sort of answer.

it's probably creepy.

but I enjoy reading this more than any classical poetry book or some shit you dig off the internet.

keep it up.

slurkle said...

well. I read more, almost like a fair way down.

it's probably a good thing, as you're an intelligent fucker.

I feel I owe you. even though this is public and all, it feels like you're right in front of me telling me all this.

I wish I could tell you stuff I can't really tell anyone else, same as you are doing just to me. but even on this anonymous internet.. I guess I still don't have the balls.

Grinning Mouths said...

agreed.

imbrilliant said...

this was so long that i'm unsure
where to start, but i'm gonna try:

don't feel guilty, the
stalking is appreciated. ;]

thank you; i really feel honored.
words mean a lot, and everything
you said was so nice. i think you
did a pretty decent job explaining
as well, but you seem to have a
teensy misconception...

you can tell me things, in fact
i'd love to hear them. you don't
have to have "the balls" to write,
all you need is an email address
and a password and you're set.
there are more people out there
that are interested in what you
have to say than you'd think.

.... and i wish i could be right
in front you, telling you. i
almost wish that with every good
person i encounter, but sometimes
things aren't as ideal as we'd like.
but, i think we can compensate;
in fact, i think we already did.

slurkle said...

wow. sorry for the tremendous flow of stuff from then.

the night I wrote all that I was really down and depressed. but for no real reason at all.

by the way, I appreciate the response. I do actually have an email, quite a few in fact.

=)

here's a story of my day. it's going to be awquard for a while.

there's a girl I used to be quite good friends with in my maths class, and at the leavers party at the end of the year, we both got smsashed and.. you can fill in the gaps.

I thought she was going to a different college, but it looks like she's changed her mind and is now in my tutor group.

uncomfortable, awquard times ahead.

Grinning Mouths said...

shit, man!

i can relate, and that ain't cool at all.

imbrilliant said...

It’s okay, really, I’m just easily
overwhelmed. Depression is no fun,
no fun at all. Neither are awkward
situations. How long is this tutor
group for?

Well, I’m generally not that great
with advice, but I say you treat
her pleasantly; don’t be over
friendly and don’t ignore her.
Personally, if that was me, I’d
probably come right out and
say “Well, this is kind of
awkward, and I’d rather it
wasn’t.” but, I usually only
succeed in making things more
awkward than they already are…

Well, all I can do is hope that
things clear up for you and her.

slurkle said...

that was quite professional. cheers.

I don't know what you americans call it, but it's basically homeroom, it's every morning and afternoon.

imbrilliant said...

haha, i try, i try. :]

well, for us, homeroom is a six
minute thing, between first and
second period. it's just the
pledge of allegiance and some
stupid announcements. we don't
have anything that sounds like that.

slurkle said...

pledge of allegiance? sounds like a cult.

well, I guess we're one and the same, as christianity is basically a cult anyway. I go to a catholic christian college, we have prayers and all that as well, even though I don't believe in any form of religion in the slightest. I believe in science.

I choose to not involve myself in prayer, but go to my school because of the higher level of education here. so basically, I'm using jesus.

thanks!

Grinning Mouths said...

jesus does not like to be used, slurpie.

slurkle said...

don't call me slurpie or I will pull out your eyeball and skull fuck you.

=D

and jesus doesn't mind if it gets a few extra people paying him money.

Grinning Mouths said...

all i'm saying is that if you happen to get struck by lightening on a beautiful, clear, and sunny sunday morning, don't ask why :-p

imbrilliant said...

i guess the pledge is cult-like
for someone who didn't grow up
with it. besides, i don't say the
pledge; they mention god in it,
and i refuse to participate in
something that doesn't recognize
seperation of church and state.

eh, jesus is dead anyway... i don't
think the dead realize they're
being used. and if slurk is to be
struck for that, then i should've
been struck years ago. :]

GM, are you religious?

slurkle said...

she's talking to you, bitch.

+)

Grinning Mouths said...

yes, i am.

unfortunately.

i do believe in g-d.

i also believe that g-d called in sick and never came back.

how's that for a slice of fried gold? :-/

imbrilliant said...

oh, sorry. my new post is
going to offend you. :/
ah, well, can't please everyone.

fried gold? well, that sounds
fairly vile. can i eat it?

Grinning Mouths said...

if i had a dollar every time i heard that, there'd be no need for me to be a "blog stalker" anymore.

bahahahaha!