i wasn't born standing up; nor was i
born ready for any of this. i've honed
my reflexes enough to realize that, in
the grand scheme of things, it pays to
surround myself with people who see the
beauty in cigarette smoke and the rest-
lessness of sleeping children. it's a
realization that comes with the phantom
pain of having a limb amputated. although
it doesn't really apply because loosing
bits of your brain doesn't count as a limb.

so, here we are, at a matinée of a movie
that came out seven years ago, trying to
enjoy it like we know we did as kids.

and i do hope that everyone is there,
watching me, when i fall. because, i
hear rehab is warm. they feed you, and
you don't have to deal with the life
you left because it's frozen in place
the very minute that you enter those
doors and sign that consent form. if
i chop off my arms i won't ever be able
to resign from this, and i'll finally
learn what it means to solve a problem.